As I turned off the lamp, I thought about how my word for 2017 was discipline and I still felt so far off the mark. I can set a goal like nobody's business but my distractibility, driven by fear, keeps me from faithfully following through. God had been stirring my heart to enforce the margin and boundary around the time I'd set aside to be obedient to what He has called me to do.

My typical response at this kind of crossroads would've been to strive– to promise to try harder and do better– only until I grew weary. Then I would switch to slip out mode– engaging in mindless activities to numb my sense of overwhelmedness, guilt, and failure. Thankfully, God has shown me an alternative– surrender.  

Before drifting off to sleep, in the quietness of my heart I told Him, "We both know how easily distracted I am. I need Your help."

The next thing I knew, my eyes startled open. I found myself awake in my own bed after having the most intense dream. The confusion settled as my dream replayed with clarity. Driving. Dying. Falling. The most vivid, vibrant, beautiful and brillant setting. Dad and his words: two years.

Suddenly, we were stopped outside of the most vivid, vibrant, beautiful and brillant setting my eyes had ever seen. My senses were heightened to a level they had not yet experienced. It was bright without the heat of the sun. I had never seen greener grass, bluer sky or lusher trees. Birds were singing beautifully. I was taking it all in with perfect clarity. There was no noise in my head or around me.  I was utterly overwhelmed with peace. There was no fear or guilt. Only peace. I had a strong suspicion about where I was.

Breakfast is not something I normally skip out on. It's part of my daily routine and I'm not one to forget to eat... except for this one particular day. And boy did I ever pick the wrong day.

A few weeks ago, my mom picked me up before the sun was up. We were off to the airport to teach at a conference. I wasn't quite feeling ready for food at that hour. I told myself I would eat later. We arrived at the airport, checked in, and went through security. We walked by a couple of restaurants but I told myself I'll eat later. I don't feel hungry yet. 

As we gathered around the table, our leader read one question aloud, "What would you say to a young mom who says she doesn't have time to be in the Word?" All eyes shifted to me, a young mom who has often thought, when in the world am I going to have a quiet time when there isn't even any quiet?