I was at a loss. I had never felt so helpless in our marriage. Never before had my husband not be willing to hear me out. We did not agree, and we were still married which left us with a choice. Let the issue we felt divided over divide us, or find a way to stick together.

The 12th year of our marriage was probably one of the fullest. And for numerous reasons, probably one of the most challenging.

When you’re at the 10+ year mark, you’re past the majority of new stuff that is naturally accompanied by excitement. New houses, cars, babies, jobs, moves and other new things typically characterize the first 10 years of marriage, but after you hit this strange season of what can feel a lot like maintenance. Work can get stressful. Parenting seems to get more challenging. Life seems to get more expensive. It can feel like there’s a lot to maintain and maintenance isn’t typically something that stirs up a great deal of excitement.

When things get challenging, it’s easy to forget what’s important for the sake of wanting things to change. But something has become increasingly clear to me over this past year.

At the end of the game, only one thing matters.

My not-so-little sister got married this past weekend and as part of their celebration, they did a generations dance. All the married couples danced to "Remember When." People with smooth skin and wrinkled, smiled at each and swayed to music. Slowly couples married less years sat down until one couple was left standing — a marriage 67 years in the making, my grandparents.

Can you imagine being married for 67 years in a culture where a marriage lasting more than 67 weeks is a rarity? Can we not simply hang in there for 67 years, but also enjoy the ride? That's our plan.

Last year to mark our 10 year anniversary, I wrote 10 Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage. Last Saturday, my husband and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary and I've been mulling over what I've learned in our past year of marriage. If you stop learning, you stop growing. 

So, here I humbly offer my lesson 11, from an 11 year + 8 day old marriage: