The 12th year of our marriage was probably one of the fullest. And for numerous reasons, probably one of the most challenging.

When you’re at the 10+ year mark, you’re past the majority of new stuff that is naturally accompanied by excitement. New houses, cars, babies, jobs, moves and other new things typically characterize the first 10 years of marriage, but after you hit this strange season of what can feel a lot like maintenance. Work can get stressful. Parenting seems to get more challenging. Life seems to get more expensive. It can feel like there’s a lot to maintain and maintenance isn’t typically something that stirs up a great deal of excitement.

When things get challenging, it’s easy to forget what’s important for the sake of wanting things to change. But something has become increasingly clear to me over this past year.

At the end of the game, only one thing matters.

It’s embarrassingly easy to point the finger in marriage and come up with a long list of ways your spouse isn’t meeting your expectations or measuring up. But have you ever flipped the question and asked yourself and God, Am I loving well? Am I loving like Christ has loved me?